3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize