Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
