I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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