Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
