D3 body, D1 cock
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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