he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
