i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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