What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He passed out mid-signature
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
