I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
