idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
