It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
