just come out here and I will go home with you...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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