I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
