i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
