Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
