I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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