she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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