My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
