I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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