Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
