did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
