I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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