Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize