garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You are the jesus of drinking
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
