well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
