Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
