i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Even my vagina gasped.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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