I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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