they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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