Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
