i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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