Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
