I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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