i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
