i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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