I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
