I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
