She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
