Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
