If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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