Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
