you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
