i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So squirting runs in the family.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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