My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
40s are totally the cure
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
