The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
