i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
