We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
