Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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