the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I need a burrito and a hug.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
