Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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