I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
