I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize