I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
