i just had sex bonerless
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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