I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
