I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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