man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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