worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
