Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
