He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
