that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
sarcasm needs its own font
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
