He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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