dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize