The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
