i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
