I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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