whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
