i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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